January 11, 2015 at 06:36PM

Soap Box Moment: I can't count the number of times I've heard something along these general lines: "my mother was such an amazing lady. She had [whatever] health problems but she never let it slow her down and never complained or talked to anyone about it! She was so brave/strong/whatever that she could do anything anyway." I'm tired of the idea that playing superman / wonder woman somehow makes someone a better person. Since when is it saint-like to push beyond what is wise? Since when are we judged by how well we ignore reality? Since when are we supposed to fake who we are and what we experience in order to be thought well of by those closest to us? Please note, I am talking about our relationships with those closest to us. I'm talking about family and closest friendships that should be "safe" places to be ourselves. Should we be able to put on a brave face in front of people in general? Certainly. Nobody is going to be interested in dealing with all the challenges of people they only casually know (see also: facebook pet peeves of everybody ever ;) ). No, I am certainly NOT a proponent of whining, complaining, or giving up. And focusing on someone else's concerns while putting yours aside is a wonderful thing. Giving up is not an attractive character trait. There has to be balance, though, between pushing ourselves to be better and accepting what we have to deal with. Whether it's pretending to be happy when you're fighting depression or making yourself worse by pretending you're not ill or injured, it shouldn't be necessary to do so all the time in a healthy close relationship. Please, please, quit idolizing loved ones for hiding who they are and what they're dealing with. It only makes it worse. It makes people feel that even in those relationships they have to hide what they're feeling and who they are. No, it's not easy to accept limitations. Not for yourself and not in your loved ones. But imagine wrestling dark depression or fighting pain or any sort of suffering and feeling completely alone, like there isn't anybody or any place where it is safe to discuss the issue, be allowed to say no while someone understands, or just plain vent. Perhaps people will feel like it's okay to take care of themselves if others will quit saying that they're better if they hide their challenges. via Facebook